Taking Chances

I'm stuck. I can't get out. The walls are closing in, and now I can't breath! I'm crying out to deaf ears, waving frantically before blind eyes. I don't know what to do. Nobody can help me...(but myself)

       That's often how I feel lately. This anxiety, this feeling of being stuck, compounded with feeling overwhelmed. Like I have so much to do, but I don't know where to start. There never seems to be enough time, and quite honestly, I am not even really sure what it is I should be doing, or what I want to be doing for that matter. Yet, I know that if I don't watch myself, my fears will get the best of me and keep me from being everything I know I could and should be. (Could this be my Quarter Life Crisis?) 

Scared,Unsure and Worried

 
       Fear is probably THE most paralyzing emotion ever. I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure it is (or maybe it comes a close 2nd to grief?). Either way, in my humble opinion, it often times keeps people from what they want the most. Fears, both rational and irrational, can consume someone, crippling their entire being. People miss "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunities and events because of fears. Sadly no one is exempt; everyone has fears. The difference, I suppose, is how one confronts their fears to ultimately conquer them. (I'm still trying to figure that part out.)

The Modern Day Proverb 31 Woman

  DOES SHE EXIST?   

 

    This question was brought up by one of the members of a forum I participate in (s/o to Beautiful Minds!). If you're not familiar with what a "Proverb 31 Woman" is, you can look it up here. However, one of the members of the forum described the Modern Day Proverb 31 Woman as follows:

A Heart Made For Love Alone

       In life, there will always be a battle between good and evil. There will always be a choice  to be made. From the time we're born, those who raise us try to instill values that will help us decipher right from wrong throughout our lives . Everyday we are confronted with decisions that reflect upon our interpretation of those core values. To me, the most important of them all is love.

       I absolutely love my family and friends. Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I have a big heart. To me though, it is both a gift and a curse. The gift: the ability to have compassion for others who are struggling. The curse: the realization that there is only so much I can do to help. Most of the time, it's really not very difficult for me to put others before myself. Don't get me wrong, I am by no means destined for sainthood. I just find that it's harder for me to turn my back on someone if I can help them. I often joke with my mom about how I feel when I run into a beggar on the street. I always wonder if that is the one time Jesus would come to me and asked for change and I would deny Him, knowing that I have some loose change in my purse/pockets. (What would He say to me on Judgement day? "

Holding On...and Letting Go

     I’ve never been any good at letting go. One reason is due to my sentimentality. I still have birthday cards from my 1st birthday (I’m 31). I still have my 1st doll (she smells and looks good as new) and I still have some roses (now dried) that I got for my 16th birthday from a crush at the time. So yes, I’m a big sap!  However, the other reason I’m not big on letting go is from fear that something better may not come along or that I might need it someday, only to be disappointed when I remember that I got rid of it. Hence all the extra clothes and shoes in my closet...and even perhaps the extra people in my life. I think that often times, there are many reasons why people hold on to things, people,  and relationships that have long since ended or outlived their shelf-life. But like my mom always says, “...in life, there is a time for everything”; including a time to let go.

Ode to My Enabler

 

       In my opinion, everyone should have what I like to call an "enabler."  I think my enabler is probably the best thing that's happened to me (when he serves in this capacity).  In fact, now that I think about it, I've been lucky to have two in my lifetime ( okay, so maybe luck had nothing to do with it). 

Remembering My Dad

       I really don't need a holiday to remember my dad. There isn't a day that goes by, that his memory doesn't find its way into my thoughts...and I'm so happy for the memories.

       For as far back as I could recall, he's always been my favorite person, and I, his. This was always apparent when you observed the instant glow on our faces when we were together. I didn't know it then, but in retrospect, he was my best friend. Sometimes I wish I would have realized it sooner, but I hope that he knew. I think he did. From the time I could talk, to the last time I spoke to him, I've always told him just what was on my mind. I can't imagine what a 4 year old could say for hours on end, but he always listened with an attentive ear and a welcoming smile.

       Even when he scolded me, it was done with love, patience and understanding. I was never fearful of getting yelled at, or of getting in any type of major trouble with him. Nevertheless, I never wanted to disappoint him.

From A Distance

       I've known him for many years...kind of. I've never actually met him in person, but I'd like to think that we've developed a pretty good friendship through the years. We've gone from sharing stories of love and love gone awry; to personal trials and victories. I think at one time there might have been a physical attraction, but that was all set aside over time, and eventually grew into fondness and much respect.

       I still can't shake the fact that though I am always very happy to hear that his love life is going well, I can't help but to feel some type of way about it! Don't get me wrong, this is not a case of "fatal attraction" or anything close. I think it's more like admiration from afar mixed in with a little "I may have just lost my friend."  I always get a tug in the heart (the kind u get when u find out your ex is with someone new) when he tells me of the new belle in his life. I never show anything less than happiness and excitement, because it is genuinely how I feel.