Thursday, May 5, 2011

Why We’ll Never Be More Than Friends

       Connected almost instantly, conversation always flowing, lots of laughter, never a dull moment, complete understanding and utter respect; all components of a great romantic relationship, but also great components of a friendship meant to last.
       We’ve gotten to know each other really well. We often have similar thoughts, and pretty much know what the other is doing most of the time. It was like being in an undefined relationship. We both started out thinking it wouldn’t be more than a “good time”. But life took us for a loop, and the end result is a friendship unparalleled. We tell each other just about everything. We trust each other almost implicitly. There’s never any judgment passed, no matter what. Even when we argue, neither of us can stay angry at the other for too long, and the problem at hand is quickly resolved as we laugh through it. Not to mention that we are physically attracted to each other; which makes this all the more perplexing and quite difficult. So why can’t we ever be more than friends?

       From day 1, I did what most women wouldn’t dare. Okay, maybe not the first day, but very early on. I laid everything out on the table. Theold me would have done no such thing from fear of scaring him away. But the 2011 Me decided earlier this year that if I wanted things to be different, I’d have to do things differently. So when the opportunity (I carefully created) presented itself, we discussed what we wanted out of life. Keeping things very general, I let him know that I was at a time in my life where I wanted to meet someone whom I could build with, eventually marry and have children with. He in turn told me that he had never wanted to get married, yet had considered it twice, but that he definitely did not want any children. We both took the information obtained from this fruitful conversation and filed it away...until we got caught up, and started catching feelings.
       Now this is where things could go terribly wrong. I could have done what many women do. I could have stayed with him, convincing myself that I could change his mind. Over time, we would grow closer, and if he loved me enough, he’d change his mind, or I’d help him do so. The nostalgic H.S. girl in me was all for this, but the woman in me spoke up and reminded me that this was a major issue, and that you can’t change anyone’s mind. Though there could be a chance that he might change his mind, odds are that he most likely would not. The 2010 Me thought “okay, but he can be Mr. Right Now” and figured we’d “cross that bridge when we get there.”  But the 2011 Me spoke up once again and reminded me of who I am at the very core and what I truly want. The truth is, I could totally see myself with him long-term, being totally in love with him...until I turn 35-36 and start hearing my biological clock ticking louder and louder, knowing that the man I ‘d been loving for the last 5 years doesn’t want, and in fact, never wanted the same things I did. Ultimately,  it was the makings of an inevitably painful break-up and the irreparable, perhaps even complete loss of our special friendship.
       So after discussing these facts at length, we agreed that if we wanted to preserve our friendship, we could never be more than friends. A heartbreaking decision on both ends, but the future was clear. It most definitely stings to hear him talk about other women, but with the type of friendship we have, I’d like to think that I still get the best of him.

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