I'm stuck. I can't get out. The walls are closing in, and now I can't breath! I'm crying out to deaf ears, waving frantically before blind eyes. I don't know what to do. Nobody can help me...(but myself)
That's often how I feel lately. This anxiety, this feeling of being stuck, compounded with feeling overwhelmed. Like I have so much to do, but I don't know where to start. There never seems to be enough time, and quite honestly, I am not even really sure what it is I should be doing, or what I want to be doing for that matter. Yet, I know that if I don't watch myself, my fears will get the best of me and keep me from being everything I know I could and should be. (Could this be my Quarter Life Crisis?)
Fear is probably THE most paralyzing emotion ever. I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure it is (or maybe it comes a close 2nd to grief?). Either way, in my humble opinion, it often times keeps people from what they want the most. Fears, both rational and irrational, can consume someone, crippling their entire being. People miss "once-in-a-lifetime" opportunities and events because of fears. Sadly no one is exempt; everyone has fears. The difference, I suppose, is how one confronts their fears to ultimately conquer them. (I'm still trying to figure that part out.)
This should not be misconstrued as being depressed. I am most certain that I am not depressed. Just a little scared is all. I suppose the adage is true - there's nothing to it then to just do it!? But everyone knows that some things are easier said than done. Then there's the idea of disappointing your loved ones should you fall short of your goals. Or worse even, that you may even disappoint yourself. (...is this where the Serenity Prayer comes in?) All I know is that my life now is nothing like I envisioned it would be back when I was 16 or so. According to that plan, by now, I would've had a husband, 2.5 kids, a little doggie and a dream career! You should know that I am neither married, have no children, no cute little doggie and am still trying to figure out what this "dream career" is. However, I can confidently say that 15 years ago, I would have never imagined starting a non-profit organization, or having lived in another country for close to four years of my life, or having met such wonderful people along the way.
Yet still, when I look back, I find that I took more risks when I was younger. Perhaps because back then, there wasn't much to lose. Now that I am older, decisions seem to be more critical, which makes it all that much scarier. Bad decisions can now have lifelong consequences. Nevertheless, a part of me still believes that, in order to get what you really want, what you feel you really deserve, sometimes, you have to take a chance, and go all in. To that effect, there's no idea more appropriate than the one expressed in the following quote by Maryanne Williamson: